Biggest Loser Poem

Loser winner is crowned here tonight

And all of the contestants have become toned up and tight

With diets and heavy training we’ve lost loads of weight

But I’d say there’ll be burgers ate morrow even if they are only horsemeat.


The idea was formulated by “John” and by Mary

As we know John has a big mouth and is often contrary

Mary told me she has to have John’s supper ready before six o Clock

I didn’t think it would take long to fill up a trough!!


The local media have been hard on poor aul Billy Gahan

Who, aside from Art Murphy, is the world’s contrariest man?

He’ll question the result tonight and try and put Carton in his place

But he’d be taken more seriously if he’d actually ran in the race.


The race claimed a victim in the poor aul Hern

We all thought that he might need to be brought up to Larry Earle!!!

He went better on the Bike, Jaysus he flew like a sparrow

As he remembered to refuel with a pitstop in the Harrow.


The Square Donny Walsh has put a huge effort in

As he has laid off the fries and Brigid hid the biscuit tin!!!

He’s lost so much weight, there’s been talk of a comeback

But I don’t think we’d have much need for a second hand full back!!


Tomsollagh and Killabeg have really got behind Frank Kehoe

Who’s not much to look at but a rale hoor to go!!

Frank likes to relax by listening to Beethoven and Mozart

As working with Shane during the day must surely break lipitor dosage the Man’s heart!!


The Boiler Murphy is truly one of a kind

As he is the only man I know who’s as tall as he is wide!!

With ignorance and impertinence he’d drive you insane

Sure I suppose that’s what you get with them Murphy’s of crane.


I don’t know what rules they operate over in Cool arrow

As Denis allowed he’d start t race over in the Harrow

“Walsh’s Woman’s blocked” John Carton ceftin was telling me

Well he’s not much of a hurler, but he might make a good jockey!!!


Fiona Gahan is very shrewd she’s always thinking ahead

As she arrived at the Weigh in, in a bra made of lead!!!

After the race, she went hunting and be the Lord Jaysus God love her

She was unable to ride as she couldn’t get the leg over!!


What can we do with Reggie Breen?

Who is possibly one of the slowest men we’ve ever seen

He surely thought of taking some performance enhancing drugs

When who stride past him other than the bould Jimmy Shugs!!!


I don’t have too much to say about Bridget Sinnott

Other than she’s married to Padraig, a big fucking Ginit!

I thought she’s be a tough competitor, but she turned in to a bit of farce

As she jibbed on Jim Gahan’s bloody assault course.


Stephen O Leary raced on even when he started to hurt

As he got inspiration from his custom made T Shirt

“You’ll only live once” crys Stephen the Motivator

There were times I thought we’d need the Club’s Defribulator.


On one of his nights running, Tom Breen actually fell twice

Once more and he’d be claiming to be Jesus Christ!!

Tom admired himself in the mirror, and said begod I’m like a bean pole

Deirdre told him to look behind him as all the weight on his hole.


With Gamers as my Psychologist and Shugs as our master Tactician

Poor Fiona was trying to curtail my diet and nutrition

Team Turner is a top class team, a model of efficiency

And sure who is surprised with an inspirational leader like me.


The assault course went ahead Thanks to Jim Gahan

I went to my bollox in parts of his land

Bossy Nolan performed the video man role

And if he produces it here tonight it will be shoved up his hole!!!


The walking track in Monageer has never seen so much action

And there’s been tense stand off’s there between each rival faction

With the likes of Frank Kehoe running, jaysus I’d have to take a second look

Sure we now even have square Walsh logged onto Facebook


Without Bridget O Loughlin and Mary Carton none of this could proceed

They talk that hard I often wonder when the fuck do they breathe.

With stewards and other club members, everyone pulled their weight

They have helped make the Biggest Loser event absolutely great


Also John Carton who was the events driving force

Mainly to help shed a few inches off his arse

Jos Loughlin got onto Carton, and John told him straight out

“Fuck up Loughlin! And shut your fucking mouth.


The Biggest Loser has been a mighty success

It has surpassed my expectations I’d have to confess

We’ll have to run it next year, as it livens up the place

And sure we’d have to give Billy Gahan the chance to run the Bloody Race!!!